Today’s US university is asked to be everything to every student, providing services from housing to healthcare and public safety and judicial systems while ensuring that students feel safe and supported, that they are free from food insecurity, and that they are entertained and engaged and feel a strong sense of belonging. As Christian Schneider notes, “Campuses are set up like full-service county governments, forced to provide a range of human services.” This was especially true during the pandemic, when—facing a lack of public health support locally—higher education institutions like my former one were even forced to create their own local health agencies to successfully manage the crisis.